I watch the rain fall, slowly dripping from the faces of the angels in the sky. I watch it fall for half an hour before I finally see what I’m looking for. He’s out there again, dancing out there in the soft falling rain like he always is. It’s so sweet to see him out there, in just a pair of cut offs, dancing in the rain. The whole town is watching, or at least the whole street, and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care how many people think he’s weird or crazy, he just doesn’t care. I wish that I had that kind of courage.
Every time I see him out there, I want to go and join him. I want to dance with him through the rain. I want to be out there just like him. But I don’t have the courage to do that. I guess I’m kind of pathetic. I can’t really do anything for myself. I just sit there wishing for a chance to be able to. Wishing that I could do it. So maybe that’s why when my chance finally came, I actually took it. As he walked up to my door, and I heard a soft pounding...
“Hey, Joel.” He said, smiling. His voice quiet. He looked soaked to the bone, but he was happy. I wanted to be that happy. I wish I could be that happy. Maybe I can be, maybe this is my chance. So I stepped out of the way in case he wanted to come in. He shook his head slightly.
“What’s up?” I asked, cocking my head a little. He looked so beautiful, with his black hair falling around his face. Or rather sticking to it, it was probably stuck to his back too. His silver eyes shining brightly, and he was several inches shorter than me, so I was looking down at him. I smiled to myself, he was everything that I wanted to be. Sleek, graceful, his own person. He wasn’t scared of anything. I guess I would have to say that he was my hero.
“I was wondering if you wanted to join me. It’s a lot funner than it sounds. Really it is. So if you wanted to, that would be really cool. Do you want to Joel? Please?” He begs, this cute little pleading look on his face, and of course I can’t resist. For one, this is the opportunity I wanted, this is what I was waiting for. I finally got it. I can show everyone that I’m not as pathetic as they all thought I was. I can finally show everyone.
So that we did, we went and danced together in the rain, it was a slow dance, with his head against my chest. I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, his beautiful soaked hair. I danced with him, out there in that rain, with my clothes soaked, and sticking to my skin. And my hero in my arms, and the world watching my every move. It couldn’t have been any more perfect. Which should have been my first clue...
“Joel, what are you doing? We’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up you know.” Benji’s voice drifted into my thoughts, and I looked over at him from the window. So it was just another daydream. It wasn’t real this time either. Mortana was never going to come talk to me, we would never dance in the rain. I would never show the world I wasn’t as pathetic as it thought, instead, I would probably show it I was more so.
“Late for what?” I asked, looking at my watch. It was Friday, and we had already finished school for the day so it couldn’t be that. Plus, why would Benji tell me we were going to be late for school? He would much rather just sleep in, or go and party somewhere. Let’s just say he wasn’t much of a school boy. I looked back at my watch. I still couldn’t think of what we would be late for. I couldn’t really think of anything...
“Band practice, duh.” Benji answered, rolling his eyes. I just nodded. That made sense. I had forgotten about that. I guess I was just thinking too hard about Mortana, being too wishful, lost in thought. It was hard not to think about him though, because I wished so much that I could be him, or at least have his confidence. His courage. And I couldn’t even tell anyone how I felt, I was sure that the only one I trusted enough to tell anything would laugh at me. Of course, that’s Benji...
“Yeah, all right then. Let’s go. Don’t want to be late do we now?” I gave a small nod, and then looked around. I looked back out the window for a second, and Mortana was still there, he was still out dancing in the rain. And he looked so frail, like all that rain would break him or something. Like he wouldn’t be able to be out in the rain without being damaged, bruised. I don’t know, something like that, he just looked so frail. “So, where are the keys then?”
Benji jangled the keys in my face. An exasperated look on his face, then he laughed quietly. Shaking his head he sat down beside me, putting his arm around my shoulders. Which surprised me, to say the least. “Don’t worry about it Joel. We’ll just skip practice this time. So do you wanna go out for ice cream instead? I’ll actually buy it for you this time, instead of saying I will and then making you pay. No matter how funny that was. For me anyway.”
“Yeah I didn’t find it quite so amusing. But the invitation for ice cream is being gratefully accepted.” I nodded, smiling. It was weird, I figured that he must have some hidden motive. Maybe he was trying to make up for something that he hadn’t told me about yet. It wouldn’t be the first time he had done that. Nor would it be the last if that was the case.
So off we went to get our ice cream, and Benji, who was driving, kept staring at me, and casting me sideways glances, and it was really beginning to freak me out. Especially since that meant he wasn’t spending much time looking at the road. I just avoided his looks though, I didn’t understand why he kept looking at me like that, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to know. Benji is a weird guy, he’s a very weird guy sometimes.
“Joel, how are you feeling?” He suddenly asked me, a most curious look on his face, he looked slightly worried. That scared me, Benji very rarely looked worried, about anything. And what reason did he have to be worried about me anyway? There was nothing wrong with me, unless he had somehow found out that I was sick or something. And that’s what he was going to be telling me after all this.
“I’m fine Benji, what’s this all about anyway? You’re really beginning to scare me.” I blinked at him as he patted my knee, muttering something about it being nothing to worry about. About how everything was just fine. Let’s just say, he’s really beginning to freak me out, what in the hades has him so worried?
When we got to the ice cream place, Benji jumped out of the van before I could get out, forgot to close his door, and ran over to open mine before I even got to unbuckle my seatbelt. This was getting very suspicious. I just thanked him aand climbed out, him holding my arm for me. Like I needed help getting out of a van I had been in a million times before. And closed the door behind me. He also opened the door of the shop for me...and ended up having to wait as like, eight people left, before he could come in behind me.
I thought that would annoy him, but he still seemed as, well, maybe happy, as he had been before. So I guess it didn’t bug him, he’ll usually ask for a tip. And sometimes people actually give one to him. But it’s only a quarter, so he’ll spit on their shoes. But that’s completely off-topic.
Benji bounded up to me then, throwing his arms around me and grinning, he also kissed me on the cheek. He was really beginning to freak me out now. Or, rather, he was really continuing to freak me out now. I just couldn’t figure what it was that could make him act so weird, especially when he whispered, “I love you, Joel.” In my ear...
So a little while later, we were sitting there, eating out ice cream, which he really had bought, and we were talking a little, just the types of things that twins say in public so people think that they’re normal people, when he suddenly shut up and just stared at me. He had been right in the middle of a sentence too, so I just happened to look over my shoulder, and my heart skipped a beat or two. There, standing behind me, was Mortana. Just my luck. He was soaked to the bone, but looked happy despite.
I figured that probably had something to do with the way Benji was acting, not sure why, just twintuition. I guess. I don’t know. But he was now looking between me and Mortana, I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. At least it meant he was no longer staring at me like that...And it couldn’t bother Mortana, he would never notice the two of us.
“Joel, I’m really worried about you.” Benji suddenly said out of no where.
I blinked. “Why are you worried about me?”
“Because Joel, every time I try to talk to you lately, you don’t answer, you’re off in your own little world again. And you don’t even notice me here, back on earth. You just sit there for hours staring out that window, and god only knows what you’re looking at. I just don’t get it. What’s so wrong with the life you have now, that you have to go and make up a new one?” Benji wiped away a stray tear that fell down his cheek.
I just shook my head, staring at him. I had never really noticed it before, but he was right. I was so consumed by my day dreams, that I never even noticed anything that was real anymore, I didn’t even have a clue how much time I spent sitting there. And I didn’t notice how much I was hurting my twin, I was too obsessed with my wishes. “I’m sorry Benji, I promise I won’t do that anymore.”
I threw my arms around my brother then, I loved him, and I had never meant to hurt him. But it was ok now, because I knew about my problem, and I was just going to have to stop day dreaming, and get on with my life the way it was.
The next day I sat alone in the house. I was sitting on the window seat again, staring out the window. But I was just thinking of how cool it would be to have the courage to be out in the rain with Mortana, I wasn’t day dreaming this time. Mortana disappeared from my view then, which was weird, I should have been able to see him, no matter where he was on the street. And I heard a knocking on the door.
I went and answered it, thinking it would probably just be a loose tree branch or something, who would be out in this rain? But what I saw made my heart jump into my throat. There was Mortana, soaked to the bone, and standing on my doorstep. A small smile gracing his lips, and a nervous look on his face.
“Hey, Joel? I was wondering if, um...well, if you wanted to come dance with me. It’s not as bad as it sounds, it’s actually quite fun, and I just thought it would be a lot cooler to have you with me, but if you don’t want to, I like completely under-”
I put my finger to his lips, and walked out of my house with him. He looked about as shocked as I felt, I had never expected this invitation, and now that it had arrived, I don’t have a clue how I actually agreed to it. Although I had learned something new...Mortana was as shy as I was.
So out there we stood, the rain pouring down all around us, our arms around each other. Holding each other close. So there we were, soaked to the bone, but neither of us really noticing, nor caring. We were dancing in the rain, for all the world to see.